the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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