I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
