yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
