At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
