i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
