How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
