i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
