just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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