His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
