Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
sex in a hospital.. check
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
