WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
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omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
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You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize