Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
