go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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