When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
