So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize