The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
