I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
