4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My life is pants optional.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
