Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
