Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
