why didn't you poke me back
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
