a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
