I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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