Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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