There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
