I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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