I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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