She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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