Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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