I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
