STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
