It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
