It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
