What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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