I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
