so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
