plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
