This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
