my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
