there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
