When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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