Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
