...so i touched it.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
