Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
