Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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