One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
