Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
