well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
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