I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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