And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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