I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
