I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
