We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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