waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
