he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
