Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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