Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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