and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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