Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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