***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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