she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I wish I could punch you in the face.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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