The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
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Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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